Los Angeles, CA - A convenience store owner received a big surprise yesterday evening when a Cadillac crashed through the front window of his shop. The vehicle, driven by a 74-year-old woman, crashed through the front window of Joe’s Food Mart and did not stop until it reached the middle of the store. The driver then exited the car and proceeded to walk over to the cooler where she then picked up a case of beer. “I don’t know how she managed to walk.” said Joe Awada, the owner of the convenience store. The cashier refused to sell the woman the beer, and then promptly called the police. Luckily there were no injuries in the accident.
According to Lt. Jenny Han of the Los Angeles Sheriff Department, the driver was taken to a hospital after the accident to receive a check up concerning a pre-existing medical condition. She was then arrested pending the investigation of a misdemeanor DUI, but was later released on successful payment of her bail.
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ReplyDeleteYou're on the right track here, trying to create an interesting "brite" lead. But I think it would be more interesting to just say what the woman did: she crashed her car through the store window, then got out and tried to buy some beer.
Keep it short and simple: instead of saying, "then exited the car and proceeded to walk over to the cooler where she then picked up a case of beer," just say that she got out of the car, walked over to the cooler and grabbed a six-pack (not a case) of beer.
* Drop "luckily" - verges on opinion. Just say there were no injuries.
* More paragraph breaks, please
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