HORSE ON HIGHWAY
1 MIN.
OF THE THOUSANDS OF COMMUTERS THAT TAKE HIGHWAY 17 TO SILICON VALLEY EACH DAY, HOW MANY DO YOU THINK EXPECT A HORSE IN THEIR REAR VIEW MIRROR?
STAR, AND WHITE ARABIAN BELONGING TO ATHENA MUZUMDAR, WAS FOUND RUNNING ALONG ONE CALIFORNIA’S BUSIEST HIGHWAYS TODAY. THE ADVENTEROUS HORSE WAS CAUGHT AND BROUGHT TO THE SAN MARTIN ANIMAL SHELTER AFTER DECIDING TO TAKE A QUICK BRAKE IN THE YARD OF A HOUSE ON KENT WAY.
THE ANIMAL SHELTER WAS AT FIRST RELUCTANT TO RETURN THE HORSE TO ITS FAMILY DUE TO WHAT THEY FIRST THOUGHT WERE SIGNS OF MISTREATMENT, BUT STAR WAS EVENTUALLY RETURNED WHEN IT WAS DISCOVERED THAT HE WAS RECOVERING FROM PREVIOUSE HEALTH ISSUES.
WHEN ASKED ABOUT HOW SHE FELT ABOUT HER HORSE’S SAFE RETURN, MUZUMDAR REPLIED, “I WAS REALLY SCARED FOR HIM.”
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I like your lead! But you need to proofread!
ReplyDelete* STAR, A (not AND) WHITE ARABIAN
* I wouldn't give the owner's name yet ... and you're going to need to provide a pronunciation guide for that name!
* ONE of CALIFORNIA’S BUSIEST HIGHWAYS
* "ADVENTEROUS" is misspelled
* wrong "BRAKE"
Overall, remember you need shorter, more conversational sentences for broadcast. You also need more paragraph breaks.
15/20